Well, having had my rant the other day, you'd think that home life would be like that of a headless chicken, but no. It's not.
I know he's focused on his shed, and the demolition began yesterday so that means he'll be planning and such like before the new one gets built, but his mood is calm and he's got a little sparkle in his eyes - it's lovely to see.
I think (and it's only a think) but I think, it's like he knows I have his corner and that I'm prepared to come out the corner fighting and that I can be the bitch whilst he follows on my coat tail - and I'm happy for that, if it makes him happy and comfortable then I'll be as big a bitch as I need to be. The other thing I've been thinking is that whilst Edinburgh told him to come off his tablets, locally he's been told to stay on them - and this has been his safety net, and he's happy to have that safety net.
Whilst all has been going ok with hubby, Biggey on the other hand has been having a whale of a time with hormones, temper, attitude and anything else you want to throw into the mix. I've tried silence, I've tried ignoring, I've tried being nice (struggle...), I've tried speaking back but it only fuels it further and yesterday I'd had enough. Yesterday morning was an absolute hum dinger (from her side - I had two extra children in the house and kept quiet so I didn't exhasperate her further) and it was at that point I said to hubby that I'd had enough. She kept threatening that she didn't want me to be her mother, that she hated me, that she would happily live anywhere that I didn't, that I do nothing, blah, blah, blah. Yesterday was the final straw. I know life here is difficult, but by God, that behaviour wouldn't have been tollerated before the illness so I'm buggered if it's going to be tolerated now. I feel that social service's have tied my hands behind my back. You can't shout at her, you can't batter her (not that I ever would), you can't repremand her, you can't send her to her room, you can't ground her - and bugger that, yesterday I had enough.
I discussed it with hubby yesterday afternoon and told him that enough was enough. I said that the bag was there and that when she got in from school that she was going to be given the option. She could pack her bag with what she wanted and I'd take her where she wanted to go, or she could settle down, calm down and be part of the family. To my shock, hubby backed me up. To my bigger shock, as I was about to speak to her, hubby sat down and gave her the options. He also said that the way she speaks to me is unacceptable and that if she wanted to stay in the family then she'd have to think about her behaviour. He told her that if she didn't want to stay in the family, that he'd drive her to wherever but that when she decided that she didn't like it because she'd simply be a number rather than a family member that he wouldn't pick her up.
Now this might sound harsh, and I might get lambasted for writing this, but things couldn't have continued the way they were going. She is only 14. She's not mature enough to deal with the issues we deal with, and she is young for her age. I think that she thinks that she has to care for her d addy the way that I do, and that's not her job - that's mine. She's a child, and as much as things are difficult here, that's her job, being a child. I said to her that we love her more than she will ever, ever know, but she wasn't very likeable at that moment, and that as her parents that's our job - to like our children, so if we don't like her behaviour then why would anyone else?
She said she didn't want to go anywhere else, and that she wanted to stay and never wanted to leave (we knew that, which is why we called her bluff - having said that, I'd have been buggered if she'd picked option b...) I explained that whilst social services have us over a barrel with how we can and can't parent them, and that she knows and works it to her favour (has moments of genius this girl of ours) that I'd had enough. I explained that the line had been drawn and that regardless of what has been said to us from social services, we were going old school. Which means that if I say enough, it's enough. If I ask for the table to be set, it's set. That if I say "no", then it's "no". That if I say "go to your room to calm down" you go to your room. That if I'm standing in the door way when she's barging past and knocks into me that she doesn't scream "don't touch me". She was also told that good behaviour means she gets her phone paid for, that she gets to go one-on-one with daddy on the motorbike. That the things that she gets needs respect (like the things she was bought for cadet camp strewn over the bedroom floor, and regardless of how much or little it costs, it means that we do without so that they can have and that they should be shown respect).
All of our girls are beautiful, they are lovely, but if behaviour like this isn't nipped in the bud then we're making a rod for our own back, and how is it fair to let them think that that behaviour is acceptable, or that it will do them any favours in the future.
She came into the kitchen later on and asked if we could be friends again. Big hug and cuddle and "of course" and it's back to how it used to be. It's not fair for children not to have a line, a boundary, it confuses them and causes upset (ontop of everything they have to deal with as it is) and regardless of what we've been told, I'm bringing it back into line and putting the line and the boundaries back. So lambasted as a cruel mum or not, I know that my children will be the better for it, and that's all that matters. My girls being happy.