Don't know if I'm coming or going.

Biggey suffers from dealing with what is going on at home with her anger. I thought we had kind of got it under control. When I say anger, I don't mean physical, but banging doors, shouting, screaming are part of the norm with it. I just don't know what to do anymore. She's having issues at school, which I thought I had dealt with, but her guidance teacher is off ill at the moment and maybe I'm wrong.

Three minutes before leaving home for school this morning I get handed a white sheet from school. Upon reading it - hastily because she needed it signed for school today, it appears there was an issue in technology where apparently she sawdust was thrown. She is persistent that she didn't throw sawdust, but the letter was about sawdust throwing. Her responses to the "cue"uestions on the sheet of paper (like, "why did this incident happen") were down to her anger. She has written it was down to her anger - so she must have been angry.

I just don't know what to do. I am going to ring the school because I need to know more about this - I'm not a happy mummy about it. I'm not happy with her behaviour at the moment, it's not on. I wouldn't have accepted this kind of behaviour prior to Dementia, and I'm not happy with it now, but how do you deal with a 13 year old (a young 13 year old come to that) who has so much going on in all directions that she's got herself tied in knots and just doesn't know how to deal with it. The lying and telling tales and half truths means that I can't get to the bottom of things or deal with them accurately. When I say lying, it's little things such as "it wasn't me" etc. It's not on, it's not fair but then I'm a grown up and she's just little. She is a lovely little girl, she really is, but at the moment there are times when neither of us like each other, me with because of the behaviour, and her with me because I can't mend anything.

She says we are a broken family. She's the one that if there's shouting to be done at the children by hubby is the one that is on the receiving end. I am just at a loss and that makes me a useless, horrid mum who can't fix the things that I'm supposed to be able to fix. The best I can do is ring the school and try to find out more about what's going on, and to ring the lovely lady at Action for Kids because I just need a little bit of help to try and get this rudderless ship back on course without suffering casualties from falling overboard. At the moment I think that the RNLI should be on standby.

There are always people worse off than yourself, that's the saying - but dear Christ, I wouldn't want to be them. Anyway, mini rant over. I don't have too long to wait before I can make some phonecalls. Maybe one day I can get up and not be humming "one day at a time, sweet Jesus" - that would be nice.