Hellooooo :o)

Wowzers. I'm actually sitting at the laptop and going to write something... It's been such a long time since I've done this that I had to sit and think about passwords lol.

It's been a long, long time since I did this, and I apologise for the absence, but I'm blaming the intermitent internet (scaffolding on the house is what I'm putting it down to), hitting the wall (it was very high), my laptop playing silly buggers which means using hubby's (and he's very possesive of his) and my dislike of using the kindle because there are no keys to tippy tappy (and being able to type it's a pain because it slows me down immensley and then uses words that I didn't want to use because of the predictive thingy).

So here goes... are you sitting comfortable? Then I shall begin :o)

I don't know where to start, so it might be a ramble (that won't suprise any of you...)

Our little rollercoaster of a life has had a few more ups than it's had downs since January. They don't feel to be so big now, but when you're going round and round and up and down (upside down a couple of times) it feels like an uphill slog from the minute you get up to the moment you drag yourself into bed and then before you sleep you're thinking about getting up and starting all over again. I think sleep is my major problem - the lack of it. The 6am starts, the constant busying of yourself, the stopping because hubby's called me and I have to drop everything (and it doesn't matter what it is you're doing) and the feeling like you've not accomplished anything when you lay your head on the pillow - that and the fact hubby constantly tells me I've accomplished nothing is what gets me the most.

We've had the "we're moving to an island off the north of Scotland", the "I'm going to buy a pub and run it", the "I'm starting up my own business delivering parcels", the "I've had an idea..." the purchasing of a motorbike for him and biggey that I knew nothing about until he brought it home (biggey has been on a motorbike since she was five and the stabilisers came off her push bike), the "I'm going to buy a garage - it only costs £2000" (thankfully I've managed to disuade him from that one) which has moved onto him sorting a shed for the bottom of the garden (which if worst comes to worst I'll be able to move into because it will be so big), to him wanting to set up a business of a cafe based on the 1940's, to the new one now which is "I've got the chance of a job on a farm. We'll move into the tied cottage and rent our house out" which I just smiled at and continued washing the dishes.

We've had a major appointment (on Monday) were his cogniative tests showed very little decrease - how does he pull it out of the hat?!? The Dr. said to me that last year appears to have been easier for me than the previous one had been. The response to that was "No. It hasn't been. I think we're just more adept at handling things, but last year has not been easier - by any stretch of the imagination. I was asked questions, and unfortunately it wasn't until last night and early this morning that I have the answers so I think I've shot myself in the foot and made things look better than they actually are - I'm so cross with myself. I explained to her that my definition of "normal" is blurred and I can't remember what normal is anymore. That what is a good day to us might be a day that tips somone else over the edge, but I think I might email her and answer some of the questions better. If nothing else it will make me feel better.

He's back to getting up early (well not today, he's still asleep) but he's on the go from the minute he wakes up to the minute he goes to bed and even then he's tossing and turning because he can't switch off. I'm sick and tired of money and the lack of it, so the purchasing of the bike and the knowledge that the shed will be being built soon just has me to the point of "please stop". I wouldn't care but I'm still waiting for the drive to be finished and the wall paper that was started before Easter being put up. That's three jobs on the go at the same time, and I just dread what the next one will be.

I've given myself a kick up the arse - which was needed but has taken me a lot longer this time to self medicate, but hopefully it will be a while before that's required again - fingers crossed, and I'm back on the losing weight m'larky. Which is another thing that has niggled me if I'm honest. I'd lost 5.5 stone and was really chuffed with myself, only to put 7lbs on and feel like a complete failure. It's the only thing I have any control of in our house and I think putting that half stone on (albeit over about two months - still awful) made me feel completely useless, but I'm back on the wagon (although the weight restriction is lower lol - the tyres don't get upset when I get on the trailor anymore lol), and I feel all the better for it. I'm going to get back to the walking/jogging/gasping for air again because that seems to be my only "me" time, and I've missed it terribly - although I'll have to mug middley for my trainers that she seems to have claimed...

So hopefully that's me back on track, and hopefully I'll be able to get back to doing this daily because like the walking, I really miss itwhen I don't get to do it.

Thank you for your continued support - even when I've gone to ground, the twitter messages and texts really are appreciated - just so you know :o) xx