Until that first cup of coffee.

You know when you get up in a good mood. You've had a good night's sleep for once. You see jobs to be done and you're happy to get on with them. He's still asleep upstairs and you feel guilty for enjoying the peace... That's when you hear the floorboards creek upstairs and your heart sinks because you know he's never been a morning person and until he's had that first cup of coffee and his meds he's going to be crabbit and bad tempered.

It's like you're walking on eggshells. Those tablets are really good, I can't deny that, but the awful things that come out of his mouth, the attitude and huffing and snuffing just have to be tolerated until you see the fog lift from his eyes and he becomes "normal" for want of a better word. The strange thing is, his words and sentences are jumbled, back to front and upside down until he does have that hit of caffeine and tablets.

I just think that at the moment, he's a little bit worse than before. He has a big appt coming up and he always gets worse before them. It's like he pschys himself up for them just so that for those couple of hours where he's with a dr, he appears normal and nothing's wrong and what are they all whinging about, he can go back to work and then he'll sue for misdiagnosis. The lead up to these appts and the wind down from them just make the girls and I apprehensive and feel like a tower of cards ready to fall down. It makes you feel like you have a knot in your stomach all the time, and he's the only one that doesn't get it. That's because there's nothing wrong...