Watching an Octopus getting into a Snail shell.

14/09/2013 11:08

The shinannaghans that are going on in this house are getting to the point of being a sitcom - if we haven't already reached that point...

We started placing the shelves on the brackets at 10am yesterday morning, and at 10.30pm last night I told him he had to put his tools down. Bear in mind that he only stopped for lunch (about 12mins) and for tea (about 22mins) and the rest of the time was work in earnest, I was ready for bed at about 3pm.

The shelves were put in, and looked amazing. That was it done - so I thought. He then had some pipes to box in, and don't tell me that didn't throw a cat into the pigeons. I suggested something, he disagreed. I suggested something else, he disagreed. Our neighbour came in (God bless him - it was like walking into the Lion's den) and he listened to hubby, and listened to my suggestion and then said "Now don't bite my head of here "hubby", but I'm going to give you my two penneth worth and it's up to you if you listen. I see what you're saying "hubby", but you've done such a good job so far, that doing what you're planning on doing will spoil the look of it and it would be such a shame when you've done such a great job. Why don't you try this?... (enter my suggestion in a different mix of words) and then it will look as good as your shelves." A minute or two of hubby scratching his head and our neighbour's idea was the bee's knees. Neighbour and I looked at each other. He winked and I mouthed "thank you".

So the boxing of pipes began. The wood was cut, the saw was lost, it was found again, the screws and drill and workbench were used, the floor was covered with more sawdust, the silicone gun was moved out of the way, the spirit level was checked and then decided to be not working, the back up spirit level was used and decided to be the one that was working, and he worked away like billio and the job was done. The pipe work was covered and it looked amazing. Our neighbour went home for his supper and said he'd see him this morning.

When our neighbour went home hubby decided he'd tidy the join in the wood with edging. He measured it out, he cut it and the two of us held it in place for the silicone to set and hold it where it was meant to be. We gave it a little while to set a little (and had a much needed coffee) and then shut the door. Bugger. The edging meant that the door didn't hold it's catch. Dear Lord, how evil in a previous life (or even this one for that matter) have I been that we can't even get through putting shelves up and boxing pipes without so many major hastles along the way?

"Is your phone charged Constantly?", I said it was. "Put the light thingy on it and I'll have a look" so I did. What I hadn't realised was that hubby was going into the cupboard (with the shelves and the boxing in place) to see what it looked like on the inside whilst the door was shut with me holding it in place. OH MY GOD - it was like watching an octopus trying to get into a snail shell. Give him his due, he managed although the oxygen level in there must have been halved by his 6ft 6" frame cramped into a 1.5ftx1.5ft space. He could get onto Britain's got Talent with this skill. He went in arse first, with his legs being cowped behind him and then his arms folded around his legs. I wouldn't have believed it if I hadn't seen it. The only thing that disappointed me was the fact I didn't have enough charge on my phone to take a picture of him (gutted).

I put the light on the phone for him and then he told me to close the door. The evil streak in me (there it is - that answers my own "cue"uestion earlier) did think about leaning on the door and just not moving, but I didn't, that would have been cruel... He shoe horned himself out of the cupboard and we sawed a little bit off here and a little bit off there and then closed the door. We propped the door shut by screwing a screw between the door frame and the door and left it. It took half an hour to clear up the sawdust and the shed load of tools and anything else that needed to be put away and I suggested we went to bed because I was knackered.

The response to that? "I'm too hyped up now, I can't go to bed yet, I need to unwind a bit. Go and put on Emmerdale and Coronation Street and I'll watch them before going to bed." PPPPPFFFFFFTTTTT was my thought. The house was freezing because we'd had the kitchen door open and loft hatch open (don't ask) and I hadn't been allowed to have the heating on, my nose didn't feel like it belonged to me and even letting the dog snuggle in didn't warm me up, he was just as cold (maybe should have put the camouflaged top on the dog, but I'm not that cruel) and I had to sit and watch Emmerdale, then Coronation Street whilst wanting to go to bed because hubby can't use the remote to find the recordings and seeing as how there were three episodes of the two programmes last night I told him I'd stay up until the third episode started and then I was going to bed. He was happy with this. I was not. I went to bed and fell asleep almost instantly, and was woken by hubby when he came to bed and I must have been on his side. Well I wasn't, but I was too far across for him because the dog wouldn't have been able to fit in the middle of the bed with me how I was sleeping. Woken up and shoved along hubby and the dog got comfy and I went back to sleep. At 4.30am hubby got up for the loo. Hubby never used to do this, he was like a Camel, but now he does. So that was me awake from 4.30am until we got up. I pretended to sleep so I didn't have to get up at 4.30am because we would have done if he'd realised I wasn't sleeping, but I eeked it out until 7.30am when we had a coffee and started on that bloody cupboard again. I'm not allowed to put anything in it until lunch time and I'm not allowed to start until he's vetted where I'm putting anything, but I mentioned that that would mean I couldn't do anything today because he's going to cut a friend's grass, and I suggested that maybe I could put things into it, but if he didn't like it I could change it. He agreed.

So I'm now waiting for the time allocation to come around. I might have a cup of coffee in peace before I crack the whip and get on with the monumental task, but I can thankfully say, for the moment, that I think the shelf/cupboard debarcle is over. The only thing that made me cringe was him mentioning wallpaper for the bottom of the stairs - but I'm going to let that one tip me over the edge another day ;o).

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