You might ask...

28/08/2013 21:38

Hmmmm. After feeding the five thousand tonight (three full plates of pasta for him) and he's still hungry. So out comes the Foreman's grill and toasties are made. That's four slices of bread with cheese and sausage ontop of three full plates of pasta - where is he putting it all?

What is he doing now he can't move because he's so full? You might well ask... He's looking at houses. God, give me strength - please. Why is he doing this? This is what he does every now and again when he's having a bit of a dip. Can we afford another house? No. Can I afford the one we have? I struggle. Do I want to move? No. Will I move? No, I really don't think I will.

If I'm honest, this house researching has me at the point of tipping over the edge, well that and the other things that have me at the point of tipping over the edge, but this is the one that upsets me the most. He looks at houses, has the girls look at houses, at maps where the houses are, at schools on the maps where the houses are and it just unsettles everyone.

We'd never get another mortgage. I'm still in the process of trying to get the mortgage interest thingy to help us with the one we're on. We're not at the point of me having to ask for details, yet, but it'll not be long I don't think. It's always Islands off Scotland that he looks at. I think it's a way of escaping, like he can recluse himself and us with it and he would have to have no interaction with people and he'd be happy. We just can't afford that. If we could we'd have done it years ago. I love the idea of self sufficiency, but not now. At least with an Island if he went wandering he'd stop when he got to water, because although he's good, he hasn't perfected walking on it yet.

I just don't know what to do anymore. I think we're heading back to where we were at the start but when he sees a doctor or nurse he switches into "normal" mode (I had that word) and all is well. Nobody seems to be seeing the little narky things he's doing, or the word swapping, and making allowances for it when they do doesn't help the girls, me or even him.

I hate this Dementia, I really, really do, and it's not a battle or war we're going to win - and it knows it.

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