Here we go again.
How do you mend something that is unmendable? I can't. There are no magic plasters that will cover the cracks in our little family. The ripples being cast from our Dementia pebble are gathering momentum at the moment with turbulence gathering pace.
Biggey is really struggling at the moment. I don't know what to do, where to start or how to make it better. I sat her down last night and she was like a crumpled polystyrene cup. She sat there on the floor before me sobbing her heart out. She's a frightened, sad, tired little girl. I cried yesterday. Several times. I know that hormones are coming into the mix, but the temper and anger is not normal - I don't care what anyone says. I don't know how much more she can take. Listening to her sob that she couldn't take anymore, that she is frightened of what is going to happen to daddy, that she is frightened of how he speaks and what he says to me, that she just doesn't want to be here broke my heart. She's frightened that her behaviour and things that she says is going to tip me over the edge.
Things are going wrong at school (although I'm not being told this), things are hard for her at home, there just doesn't seem to be anywhere where she feels safe and happy - and as a mum I am failing. Where do you start? Again. I'm tempted to keep her off the last week of school, but how would that help - it would just be same problems in a different logistic.
We've got almost eight weeks of holidays ahead of us. Hopefully it's going to be full of sunshine because then at least they can run about outside - but that's no answer either.
To top it all off, at 4.58pm yesterday, I just missed a phonecall from our social worker. I mean seriously. Who rings with two minutes to go untill home time? Now I've spent all night worrying about what that was about - especially when I've been onto the school and Action for Kids about Biggey. It's like a big, black void that just never ends. Dementia. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.