I have had a lovely week with hubby. No arguments, no ranting from, no horrid things said and than kaboom tonight he just seemed to turn the light switch on and all hell breaks loose.

We had a lovely afternoon today, the sun was shining, we went food shopping via other shops, he bought himself a pair of shorts and a waistcoat and he bought me a red top which is lovely and he even offered to buy the watch that I had said I liked - I said no because it was too much money and I didn't think it would last. We went around buying bits and bobs to fill the fridge and freezer because he said that for all they'll have eaten like kings this week, they'll come home starving. He picked chicken to have as our roast dinner tomorrow night and he even put two bottles of wine in the trolley so that we could enjoy them tonight, a bit of a romantic evening whilst it's just the two of us in the house. The bottles of wine are on sitting on the bench now, untouched, unopened and not drank and he's gone to bed saying that I'm only after his money, that I do nothing, that the house is a tip and that I need to pull my finger out if I'm to stay.

What makes this transformation of my lovely husband into this man that I just don't like? What is it that I say or do, or don't do that makes him dislike me so much? He speaks with a snear on his face and looks like he's tasted something nasty when he talks to me. 

I have got everything to make him a full English tomorrow morning. It's all organised and ready to go, but what the response to this will be is just anyone's guess. You have to ignore the horrid side and pretend it didn't happen,  or wasn't said or it starts all over again, and it's still my fault for continuing something that he just doesn't give a toss about, or even remember. "You bring it on yourself" and all that.

I'm hoping that a good night's sleep will put him in a good mood, because the girls are desperate to see him and I'd be really upset, and they will be too if he continues this mood tomorrow.

I know I said our life isn't a ride on the teacups - but come on, even a turn on the whaltzers would make a nice change to this rollercoaster.

Ok, I know this shouldn't be a biggey, but OMG. I almost had to sit down it was that out of the blue. I know you don't know what I'm rambling on about, but seriously you could have told me the sky was green such was the shock of what happened at tea time.

It's still just hubby and I (until the girls get back on Sunday) and tea was a bit later than usual, but it's been so hot and muggy today that neither of us were hungry so that was fine. I put hubby's tea up on his tray so that he can watch the tv in the living room and he chomped merrily away. I stood up to take my plate through and put it onto his tray and took the tray of him and do you know what he did? I bet you'll never guess... He said "thank you". Stop the press. I can not recall the last time I was thanked for anything and for it to be over something as little as taking his tray away... well. "You're welcome" was my reply. I took the tray through and sorted out the plates and put the tray away and wow, three hours later and I'm still flabbergasted. I'll be honest with you, it made my day.

He's now flat out on the reclining leather chair that I've never liked, and after the other night where he took the swirly round bit off the base because it had snapped and the chair wouldn't swirl round anymore I keep expecting him to flail about on the floor as the chair collapses beneath him, but so far so good. I hope it doesn't because I'm not sure the Staffy would withstand the weight of both the chair and him ontop of him and he'd end up like the springy dog on Toy Story...

Just finished watching "Bandslam" and it might be aimed at tweenies, but OMG I loved it - the sad thing is that the said tweenies might not realise that the decent music that they're listening to is the music of the 70's and 80's and unless it's been covered by whatever the popular people of today is, they won't realise it's already been done by the professionals.

During this film I have laughed and cried and sang along like a banshee and thourighly enjoyed myself. I might even go deeper into the dvd's to see what I've already bought that I didn't realise that I had and see what else I've picked - I've forgotten that I love music, all kinds (except Jazz - but that accolade goes to a Jazz band that worked 1.5 meters away from my desk when I worked in a hotel and they were awful - seriously awful, and I mean awful) and I really need to get in touch with me for a bit so that I don't forget who I am completely. Even if I do sing along to the new and hip whoever's who are singing - they rely on the originals and the originals who inspired the newbies, but not the ones who simply copy.

If I'm honest, Middley is the one who appreciates the original (David Bowie etc) and Littley is the one who sings along to the originals, purely because that's what our cd collection comes from but Biggey has decided that she likes 1Direction (I ask you?) - and I am going to blame hubby for that, purely and for no other reason that I can. If we put our music collection on in the car (or the house for that matter) all three of them sing along, but what is interesting is that hubby chooses to sing along to what we listened to when we started going out together, and I like that. The songs that mattered back then (in the day) are the ones he remembers - like our first slow dance together (I can't help falling in love with you - the copy by UB40) and that means something to me. So they can copy and sing along to perfection, but they will never be as good as the originals :o) xx

The girls aren't here, they're at my dad's and hubby's mood has been completely different. He has me all to himself and isn't "fighting" anyone for attention. Yes he's a bit more forgetful, and conversations can be one sided, but it's been like a breath of fresh air. His moods have been lighter and he's got a bit of sparkle back in his eyes.

Last night we went to bed to watch UndercoverBoss. He watched this but was restless. This does my head in lol. You can get comfy and then he just moves one of your limbs so that he can get comfy. I know it's wrong, but it did make me think of that tv programme last week about men who like dolls instead of women, if I'm not in the right position, he'll just shift me regardless of whether it's comfy for me or not. Once the programme was finished he channel hopped - now the reason for going to bed early was so that he could be up early, but dear me he tossed and turned and couldn't decide on a programme and then decided he was going to roll over and go to sleep. Phew. Peace at last. That's what I thought anyway... he started chuntering. Yessing and Noing and mumbling under his breath. "What are you saying?" said I... "Well they won't shut up and they keep talking to me" was his response. "Who is?" said I. "The voices". Here we go... now I think he was teasing and trying to wind me up - and it worked, it scared the bejeezers out of me, but I didn't argue with him. I just left him muttering whilst trying to get to sleep myself - if he was teasing me I wasn't going to bite, and if he wasn't teasing me there's no point saying there's no-one there because that will just annoy him. Chuntering and muttering away to himself (?) he gave out an exhasperated gasp and went "it's not easy getting to sleep when you've got one person at your head, one at the bottom of the bed and one lying next to you". At this point, with the thought of "someone" lying between hubby and me I got up to have a glass of water. I also thought that this might give him a chance to a) settle down and hopefully fall asleep when I'm in the kitchen or b) distract him from winding me up. Ten mins later I came back to bed to see Lily Savage's Blankety Blank on the tv and him almost asleep. Now that I was on ghoulie alert I had to channel hope to distract me from the possibility of someone being in the middle of the bed lol, and it's strange how being an adult I reverted into "don't look into the mirror incase there's someone that's not you looking back at you" horror movie spooked I was - which is funny in the light of day but last night I kept all limbs under the covers incase a hand came out from under the bed LOL. Rediculous I know.

Today, whilst enjoying the peace of hubby being at his friends (although I say peace, I find it unsettling - I don't know why, I think it's just that I'm used to him being here, and the girls aren't here either so I'm kind of left to my own devices and I'm so unused to this that I really don't know what to do with myself when it does happen) I'm going to go into the bedroom and deep clean it. Do the windows, wash the sheets and duvet covers, dust and polish and use my ancient new fandangled hoover in there, put things back into the girls room that have somehow made their way into mine - I'm sure they move things in when they're using my hairdryer, and maybe even go into their rooms to see if I can return things that belong to me that have found their way into their rooms lol. Exciting stuff ay? I told you I don't know what to do with myself when left to my own devices. It appears that I have caught hubby's cleanliness/cleaning OCD, but thought of getting into freshly washing powder scented sheets tonight - bliss. I might even add a couple of drops of Lavender Oil to aid hubby's sleeping, or if that fails, mine ;o) xx

Well there I was, happy as a person can be with a new tin opener because the old one doesn't work, only to find that the new tin opener doesn't work either. Bang goes hubby's theory of not wanting to pay £5 for an Ikea one. Mr. Poundland Man - thank you for lulling me into the false sense of security that one of yours would work. Grandma's voice ringing in the back of my head "buy cheap, buy twice" certainly came to fruition. So now I have an old as the hills brand new tin opener at the grand price of £1.49 (see, slightly more expensive than the other one...) and does it work? Yes it does - you have no idea how happy this has made me, but you will be aware how sad it makes me sound that I'm cheerful over a working tin opener that cost less than £2 :o)

I kind of got myself into the land of the living this afternoon, having had Jeremy Kyle on the telly (that man is a legend, but where does he trawl to get the people that are happy to go on there and wash their dirty linen in public? Another Grandma saying lol). Sometimes I watch it just to make me feel better about the deck we've been dealt with in life, sometimes just for the OMG moments like "why aren't you wearing a bra on national television?...". Anyhoo, once almost in the land of the living and with him asking what I was planning to do today (nothing if you want the honest answer) I chirped "the cupboard under the stairs". Now then... this cupboard is where the hoover and the ironing board live. I have been hit on the head by the said ironing board (I've never liked ironing) and decided it needed pulled out and sorted. Out came the hoover. Out came the ironing board. Where the hell the motorbike boots, the tie that flashes for Christmas, the illuminous jackets (three of them I ask you) the waterproof trousers, the kagool, the guilotene, and the Australia road map came from I do not know. I didn't mind finding the Babylis curling tong or the ipod mini speakers - but seriously, I didn't put them there so who did? It appears when emptying the loft things that I had thought were thrown were placed in this cupboard under the stairs and upon going around the corner of the cupboard this is where they were all stacked (neatly??? out of view). No wonder the ironing board collapsed on me. The fact that the wheelie bin is full and I have ten days to wait for it to be emptied doesn't bother me. It's tidy there now and there's even enough space to walk about in it (albeit only a little bit), but I've hoovered and polished and washed and cleaned and although the cold isn't completely gone, I do feel all the better for having tackled it, and he's happy because he's seen me being productive - win, win :o)

Today when hubby was talking to next door, I rang his friend up and asked if he would ring hubby later this afternoon. The reason for this phone call was so that he could suggest to hubby that either his friend would come over tonight whilst I was at cadets, or that hubby could go to his house whilst I was at cadets.

I've noticed over the past couple of days that hubby has become a little distant for want of a better word. Like yesterday when I was either allowed to go on my girlie afternoon wit my sister only if he came, or I wasn't allowed to go so that I was with him. It's a little like he's not wanting to be on his own (hoover incident) but doesn't want to admit it. So I went all cloak and dagger on him (awful I know) and when his friend rang and suggested the either or, he made it seem like it was hubby's idea and hubby was delighted to come up with the suggestion.

This cloak and dagger m'larky keeps me happy because I'm not worried about what he's getting upto, his friend happy because they can natter about whatever they natter about and hubby happy because he's made the plans and is in control. I do think we're having a little dip at the moment, and if I can make things as subtle as possible so that no-one else notices and keep things smooth for hubby then I'm doing my job right. Thankfully the girls are at my dad's until Sunday and I can be at his beck and call. Like today. I've waited weeks and weeks for new phone screen savers to come for his phone, and they arrived this morning. All six of them. He gave up trying to put them on his phone after screen saver number two. I'd been called in half a dozen times before he gave up, but in the end he asked me to do one. I'm not saying it was a doddle, but it wasn't the Krypton Factor, but the fact he asked me to do it for him was huge because he can manage anything and everything, but things are subtly starting to be passed to me to do and I'm sure that's because he's noticing a difference albeit small. He's asking things like "this is right isn't it?" or saying "I can't manage this my hands are too big and it's too fiddley" and they're all distraction methods for him to not have to do something but there's a reason for him not doing something.

What it's going to be like when the girls get home is going to be a different matter. Today has been calm and he's never shouted, but the house has been calm and silent and he's done what he's wanted when he's wanted to and I can't guarantee that when they're home. This seems to be when the issues arise. He likes to be the centre of attention and I don't mean that in a limelight kind of way. He likes me to be able to drop everything as and when he deems fit and when there are another three in the house I sometimes have to say "wait a minute" and he doesn't like that.

Let's just see if I can keep the rollercoaster in neutral for a little bit longer, because I don't fancy a turn on the Waltzers.

Well yesterday had it's ups and downs. He came with me to take Biggey down to my dad's and told me that I was either allowed to go on girlie afternoon with my sister but he was coming, or I wasn't allowed to go. I had been looking forward to a couple of hours with my sister and was really upset by this ultimatum. He came with us and I was so upset - not because he was there but because of the ultimatum given. He controls it all and even on something that had been planned for weeks he still holds the strings.

It turns out that it was a lovely afternoon. I think, and my sister mentioned it too, that he didn't want to be on his own. That he didn't want to not be with me. It sounds silly, but it made sense. We had the hoover incident on Sunday when I was out for 2hrs and I just wonder if he's realising that he doesn't want to be left because he doesn't know how he's going to behave. Another dip.

We went everywhere. My sister bought a bed, much to his having fun bouncing on matresses. We stopped for many coffees, I thought it would be a good idea because he couldn't smoke with it being the MetroCentre so stopping caffeine would not be a good idea - he drinks a lot of coffee, much to my trying to cut it down. We went round shops he normally would have hated but he had a whale of a time, trying to buy bras was a pain because he didn't like the ones I wanted and I wouldn't wear the ones he liked. We went round and round shoe shops looking for trainers for him for him to not like any "they're either old man trainers trying to look young and hip or they're too trendy and I don't like addidas (sorry addidas). He put his foot down on going to the cinema, he would wait whilst we went and have a wander, and we could find him afterwards - no he didn't have his phone on him, but it's not that big a place to find him afterwards... the MetroCentre? You could lose someone in a shop. I think it was the noise of the cinema that put him off, he's never been a fan of the cinema, but the volume of the sound is just too much for him now, so we went to more shoe shops with the same issues occuring lol. We went for a late lunch at a Chinese buffet and we certainly made the most of "eat all you can", to the point that we still haven't had anything since and it's now nearly lunchtime on the following day. We went to Ikea and he helped little sis pick out candles and refused to pay £5 for a tin opener (thank you poundland for having one for £1 - funnily enough lol). He saw a tv unit that he liked and would have bought but I suggested we wait until after our holiday - it was lovely though. Words came out back to front and upside down but it didn't matter because we just subsituted the correct ones in their place and he didn't feel like he was being laughed at.

There were times in the car when he asked if he was in the right lane or taking the right road, and for him being my little satnav, this is the first time he's done it. "We never got lost today" was his comment at the end of the afternoon, well we did - we took a couple of wrong roads and missed a slip lane, but it didn't matter because we "righted" it, and didn't make an issue of it. He dropped his baccy tin in the car twice. He doesn't drop things. He might throw them but he doesn't drop them. He just said he thought he'd caught the tin with the polish when he was cleaning the car with my brother - baccy tin stays in his pocket, but we just agreed.

It was a lovely afternoon, as it turned out, and we all enjoyed it. We spent very little and looked at lots and he spoke to my brother on the phone saying "Constantly Trying could have had anything she wanted, I didn't stop her, I would have bought it for her, but she didn't want anything and didn't ask for anything" - which I thought was lovely of him.

Today is going to be a calm day - fingers crossed. I'm going to get my head round this ancient all singing all dancing hoover (or vacuum as I should call it), get the duster out and the washing machine going and he'll be in seventh heaven. Thinking about it, I might make some lunch because my tummy's starting to rumble a little :o)

Two short hours. That's all it takes. Hubby has been banned from the hoover since he sent the spring flying on it before Christmas. Apparently they aren't happy working without a belt... One bit of the hoover flew in one direction, the other bit flew in the other and two weeks later the new one arrived (thankfully covered by the guarantee - but I'm not sure how). Since then he's not been allowed to touch the new one.

I came back from having taken Biggey to her Armed Forces church service to a "I've broken the hoover". "Why were you using the hoover? I did it just before I left" was my reply. "I wanted to hoover". Fair does. "How did you break it?". Apparently things wouldn't get out of the way of it. I mean you can ask a coffee table and settee nicely, but they're not going to move out of the way are they? This is when he lost his temper and launched the said hoover. I didn't believe him to be honest. I went to the hoover cupboard and pulled it out only for the handle to come away in my hand and the hoover to stay still going "nah nah nah nah nah" at me and him smirking away in the chair going "nah nah nah nah nah" because he hadn't made it up.

I have put my foot down tonight and told him come hell or high water he's coming down the road with me tomorrow, because if this is the damage he can do in the space of two hours, he's not getting left for a day - dear knows what mischief he could get upto.

I have since spent the afternoon running around the Borders purchasing the "new" hoover he found on Gumtree (if I didn't know better, I would say he did this little destruction on purpose so that he can get the one he wants) and when I got it home with all the boxes (I know, how many boxes do you need for a hoover?) and sat and laid them all out my heart sank. There is a sander attachment, a drill attachment, a saw attachment, a buffer attachment, a spray gun attachment and when he's not looking, all of these attachments will be hidden so I can't come home to a sanded, buffed, shiny house with holes in and screws holding it all together. 

The plan for tomorrow is to take Biggey down to my dad's. Today is her Armed Forces church service so I'm taking her to that. Tomorrow we are both supposed to be going down the road to drop her off for her holiday. That's the theory anyway.

My mum rang last night so that Littley and Biggey could speak to us. In her haste to get them on the phone and out of the house for their tea she didn't ask how he was doing. Big mistake. This now means that he's refusing to come down the road. I was supposed to be going out to lunch with my sister and maybe watch a film whilst he stayed with dad and the girls. The reason that he's going down is because Littley and Biggey both want to see him. Now he's refusing to go if I go out with my sister. All because my mum didn't ask how he was. I couldn't even say she'd asked because I was sat next to him whilst she was on the phone. At the moment I don't know if he's going to change his mind or not. Whilst I was looking forward to having a girly afternoon with my sister, I won't go because if I do and he isn't going to come it would devastate Littley and Biggey.

He can be so contrary when he wants to be. He knows he holds all the cards and he knows exactly how to play them. He might change his mind before tomorrow, but I'll just have to wait and see. There's no point begging or pleading with him because that just fuels the fact he's in control, so I'll have to just wait and see.

There's no winning with him.

Apologies for abscence for the past couple of days. It's been manic here with me feeling like I'd been driven over by a steam roller which didn't help.

Hubby came on with pains that meant he struggled to move. When he did move he couldn't breath. A lovely nurse came out just after midnight to see how he was and wanted him to go to hospital. He refused - no suprise there then. She gave him an injection of painkillers - which always makes me laugh because he hates injections. I told her to take a run at him like she was weilding a javelin but she took pity on him and was very gentle lol. The painkiller didn't kill any pain and when she rang just after three to see how he was doing she got the doctor to ring me. The doctor wanted him in hospital - again he refused, still no suprise there.

My doctor rang at 8am to see how he was doing and gave him an appointment at the surgery. We went. He then went to hospital. His friend took him because I couldn't guarantee being home in time for the girlies. Apparently they gave the staff a hard time by trying to convince the young nurse that it was the friend who was the patient and not him. Also, and I'm not sure how, but they managed to convince said nurse that his name was George. It is not. It turns out that the problem was not a clot on his lung, or a leak from a tear on his lung but a major sprained muscle behind his ribs. I would imagine that the nurse, and rest of the staff put out the flags when he left to come home. What amazed me was when they asked him if he had any other ailments and his response was "dementia" the doctor turned around and said "you can't have that, you're too young". Read his notes then...

He's been the Captain of misery since being home. He's in so much pain and then being nice to everyone else means that he has to be grumpy to someone, and that someone is me. I've been told that I'm not worthy of a suitcase - in any case the suitcase is in the loft and he's in too much pain to go up there to retrieve it, and that I can pack my clothes and belongings into plastic bags. I've been told that I don't care about him, blah, blah, blah, but in the next breath I'm being asked to make him a coffee. He hates me, but loves me at the same time.

Littley and Middley have gone to my dad's for their holiday (Biggey goes on Monday after her Armed Forces Day service on Sunday morning) and I must admit this is a Godsend because I can give all my attention to him rather than split it. He likes to have all the attention and it's a constant fight when he thinks he's not getting enough.

The start to the summer holidays have been uppy/downy but at least he's well and only making his mouth go - I'd be more concerned if he was "cue"uiet because then I'd really know something was wrong lol. xx